do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
