Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
