Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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