it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I didn't notice because vodka
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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