I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
