I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
