You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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