He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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