Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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