I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
