U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
