just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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