She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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