when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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