I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
