so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
