Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I think my fart just growled at me.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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