U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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