you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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