I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
