and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
