I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
