New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
