this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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