i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
