end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize