so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
