ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
