Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
