why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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