How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
