I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Randomize