Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
