That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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