So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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