Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
