Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
