Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I have fence marks all over my body
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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