ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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