Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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