My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
