Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
