Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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