i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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