Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
