Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
