I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
me + whiskey = a bad person
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
