South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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