Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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