yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
