apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
you didnt know i had herpes?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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