I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
