help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
