I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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