I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
