just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
