so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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