i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
