Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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