there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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