Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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