at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
