My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
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