We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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