The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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