Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
