Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Randomize
