Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Randomize