I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
