Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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