Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
