whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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