How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
